After a tense showdown between the psychiatrist and Chris, she had agreed to let Chris go and think about everything that had happened. The doctor wanted to visit with Buck and talk about his sister and the plan.

 

In her room, Brianna was thinking about everything that had happened. She turned glanced toward the door when she heard it open. She smiled when she saw who it was.

 

"Ms. Wilmington, how are you?"

 

"I'm fine, Ezra."

 

"Where are your brother and Mr. Larabee?"

 

"Chris and Buck are with the 'psychiatrist' talking about me and my inability to deal with what happened."

 

"They are concerned."

 

"They need to be concerned about them being at war with each other. I know my life is never going to be the same. Marcie was not only my best friend but also, my sister. She knew things that even Buck doesn't know. I know he flatters himself that he knows everything, but he doesn't."

 

"I wouldn't recommend you tell him that."

 

"I'm paralyzed not crazy."

 

"No one thinks you are?"

 

"Then why do they want me to see a shrink?"

 

"People only don't see a psychiatrist because they are crazy, they go for help dealing with troubling issues like say, sharing one's beloved brother, or dealing with a loss of beloved sister."

 

"It's hard to think about Marcie."

 

"How long had you two been friends."

 

"Forever … since kindergarten."

 

"That is a long time."

 

Brianna looked at him. Sometimes it was easier to talk to Ezra about things than Buck or Chris. He didn't see her as his little girl. "Ezra, I don't want to go back to the dorm when I get out of here. And there's no room at the condo with JD there, and with Buck and Chris fighting, I can't go to the ranch. Can I stay at your place?"

 

"While I would be honored to have you recover at my domicile. I think your brother would be hurt."

 

"No, he wouldn't, he's got JD now."

 

Ezra thought perhaps she did need a break from Buck and Chris and right now she didn't want to see her brother with his best friend when she didn't have hers. "Of course you can stay there, if your brother says it's okay."

 

"He will." Brianna didn't really believe it, but she wanted to. She didn't want to go back to the condo, too many memories.

 

"You know, I understand Chris better now."

 

"You haven't always?"

 

"Nope. I missed him when Sarah and Adam died, and I couldn't understand why he didn't love me anymore. I was just a kid, but I can't go to the condo and it's not just because of JD. Marcie and I were always there."

 

"Buck often commented you two were like sisters."

 

"He used to call us double trouble."

 

"Why?"

 

"As Nathan says about y'all, we were magnets for trouble." Brianna smiled at the thought of memories of trouble they used to find. "Did he ever tell you about the time we all went camping when I was five and Marcie went with us?"

 

"As someone that has been camping with you and the rest of team of seven, I assume there was trouble."

 

"Poison Ivy, snipe hunting, the usual."

 

"You want to tell me about it?"

 

"You want to hear about it?"

 

"If you wish to talk about it and it won't cause you to much pain."

 

"It won't. I know Buck and Chris think I don't want to, it's just harder to talk to them because they loved her to."

 

"And it's easier with me, because?"

 

"You didn't know her like they did. You liked her but she wasn't part of your life history like she was with us."

 

"Aah."

 

"So you want to hear about the camping trip."

 

"Yes, I'm sure it is a delightful tale."

 

Buck was watching Brianna and Marcie run around the yard while he and Chris packed up the truck. He looked at the two energetic little girls

.

"You sure about this, stud?"

 

"It will be fine."

 

"Yeah, just the two of us and those two." Buck and Chris both looked at the little girls.

 

"It will be fine, don't worry."

 

"Spoken like somebody who's never been to McDonalds with those two. We all ready?"

 

Chris nodded and told Buck to get the girls in the truck. He would tell Sarah and Adam, bye.

 

Buck called the girls over to him and they, as usual, were giggling and laughing.

 

"Okay, we're fixing to leave. You two need to go potty now." Buck pointed to the house and the girls ran in and came back a few minutes later.

 

"They's kissing again, Buck, it's gross." Buck sighed. Then it happened. Brie noticed the extra booster seat in the back. "What's those for."

 

"You and Marcie."

 

"We not babies, Buck." He grabbed her and buckled her in. "Buck, you nots listening."

 

"Nope, Little bit. And you two are riding in them, or we're not going camping." He quickly did the same thing with Marcie. "You're riding in them." Marcie always the shyer and easier going of the dynamic duo wasn't resisting. "See, Marcie doesn't mind."

 

"That's cause she don't know she can argue with you."

 

"You can argue with me, huh? What about Chris?"

 

"Sometimes."

 

"Sarah?"

 

"Not unless you wants a timeout."

 

"I need to take lessons from Sarah."

 

Several hours later the group arrived at the campsite. Chris was ready to shoot Buck for teaching the girls the '100 bottle of beer on the walls' song.

 

"Brie, you and Marcie stay here where we can see you while we set up the tents."

 

Buck and Chris eventually got the tents set up and both noticed it was nearly one o'clock. Fortunately, the girls had eaten. They had stopped at McDonalds but there was some whining from the fact the girls had gotten up as soon as the sun had. Sometime around five, maybe.

 

"Nap?"

 

"Definitely. You know Marcie will do it just because we say it. Little Bit is going to fight it tooth and nail. Have you noticed she does whatever Sarah says without question."

 

"Yeah, it's cause Sarah makes her behave all the time."

 

"I make her behave." Buck looked at his friend and knew it was most of the time, but he did let her get by with arguing too much. "When it comes to her safety I do. I'm not used to being the parent. We'll work it out and I have you and Sarah as back up. Brie and Marcie come here." Buck knew exactly what he was going to do. Brie started running and fell over a log and the minute she got to Buck she threw up her arms and he picked her up. Chris picked up Marcie. "Girls, we are going to do something fun later tonight and it's got to be real late so how about a nap?" Brie looked at him.

 

"You're not going to bed on time. You're staying up later so we can go hunt snipes. So what's it going to be a nap or snipe hunting?"

 

Brianna looked at Marcie and leaned her head against Buck's shoulder and whispered, "I wants a nap." He knew she was tired when she said she wanted one and the thumb went in her mouth.

 

"You can have a nap, baby."

 

"I nots a baby." He nodded and carried her to the tent with Chris and Marcie following. The girls woke up an hour later. They immediately wanted to go exploring, which the guys said was okay and took them. Somehow, Brianna and Marcie ended up falling in the creek and neither one of the men were sure how it happened.

 

They carried them back. Chris was shaking his head at the two soaked little girls.

 

"Okay, double trouble, go change your clothes." The girls went to do as told and Buck and Chris looked at each other and shook their head. "How did they do it?"

 

"I don't know, padre. They are magnets for trouble. Maybe the snipe hunt isn't a good idea."

 

"You want to tell them that? Cause I sure don't want to. Chris, they have been trying to be good. And it will be fun."

 

"Yeah it will, and no, I don't want to. But we better get their hair dried or they are going to be sick and you're going to explain to Sarah why we brought a sick baby back, and Marcie's parents too." Change your clothes and get out here so we can dry your hair."

 

The two little girls came out and had their hair dried. The rest of the day was uneventful and then it came time for the snipe hunt. The girls had a great time.

 

Later that night, Chris and Buck were woken to the sound of two crying little girls. They immediately rushed to the tent where they were met with itches and when the boys looked at them, they knew what was wrong. Poison ivy!

 

"Brie, darlin', you can't scratch. Marcie, don't scratch either, darlin'."

 

"It itchy, Buck." He nodded and looked at Chris. "Make it stop."

 

"I will soon, I promise." He and Chris decided to cut it short and take the girls' home.

 

Brianna finished telling Ezra the story and noticed he had a far away look in his eye.

 

"Ezra, you okay?"

 

"I'm fine, mah dear, just thinking about how fortunate you and your brother are to have each other."

 

Meanwhile, upstairs, Buck and the doctor were talking.

 

"Mr. Wilmington, have you thought about what happens when you take Brianna home."

 

"I take care of her is what happens."

 

"You are determined to take care of her, aren't you?"

 

"She's my Brianna."

 

"But she's not five anymore, she needs you to be her friend."

 

"She needs me to be her brother."

 

"She doesn't need somebody to pick her up and kiss her boo boos anymore. She needs you to listen to why she is hurting."

 

"I know why she's hurting. Marcie's dead. That's why she's hurting."

 

"That's not the only reason."

 

"Oh please, she's not jealous of JD."

 

"Are you sure of that?"

 

"Yeah, I'm sure she knows she's my baby."

 

In the room, Ezra and Brianna were visiting when JD and Vin came in. Everyone made small talk, not really knowing what to say. JD was first to make conversation.

 

"Where's Buck?"

 

"He's talking to a doctor."

 

"So you coming back to the condo?"

 

"I don't know."

 

Vin and Ezra both sighed and tried to change the subject. Everyone was relieved to see Chris walk in, Vin and Ezra, because they knew any impending squabbles had just been nipped in the bud.

 

"Hey Chris, where've you been?" Chris just kissed her forehead. "Is something wrong?"

 

"No, Breezie, just glad to see my girl. Buck not back yet?"

 

"Nope, not yet."

 

"You look tired."

 

"I'm fine."

 

JD watched his boss and his best friend's little sister. Why did they treat her like a helpless little girl? She wasn't a little girl. He had been taking care of his Mom at her age, and going to college.

 

Upstairs, the Buck and the psychiatrist were talking some more.

 

"When can I take her home?"

 

"Maybe going home would be good."

 

"She would still need to come back for her physical therapy, as well as my sessions. I will talk to Dr. Williams."

 

"She won't miss any of 'em. She will feel better once she's home."

 

"Are you sure of that?"

 

"Of course I'm sure of that. My sister knows that she's loved and cherished."

 

 

In the room, everybody was just standing around staring and not talking. Nathan and Josiah had been the last to arrive to see how Brianna was doing

 

"Okay, somebody say something. I'm even in the mood to hear one of JD's lame jokes." Before he could respond, Buck walked in. He was tense when he saw Chris but tried to keep it light.

 

"Hey little bit, how you feeling?"

 

"Fine, and don't call me that."

 

"The doctor said you can come home in a few days."

 

"I don't want to go to the condo, or Chris' ranch, or the dorm."

 

"Darlin', you have to come home."

 

"No, I don't. I can stay at Ezra's."

 

Buck immediately flashed a look at Ezra that read confusion and anger. "We'll talk about it later, okay?"

 

"No, I'm not going to the condo."

 

"Darlin', your can't stay at Ezra's."

 

Josiah knew there was fixing to be a fight between brother and sister and, while it would be nice to see some of the old light in Brianna's eyes, this wasn't the time, or place, for a Wilmington family discussion.

 

"Brother, can I speak to you in the hall?" Buck looked at him as if he was crazy. "I think we need to talk."

 

Buck was tired and fed up. Between being at the hospital 24/7, fighting with Chris and the shrink, and Brianna, he wasn't thinking, just going on emotion.

 

"I need to talk to my brat sister and figure out what the hell she thinks she's doing."

 

"I don't want to talk to you, Buck, and I don't want to go home with you. I want to go to Ezra's."

 

Buck looked at her and threw up his hands. He was confused and frustrated "She wants to go to Ezra's. She wanted to go running around in the middle of the night with a drunk driver. Look at where her 'wants' have gotten us. You're coming home with me!"

 

"No, I'm not."

 

"You can't stay with Ezra."

 

"Why not?"

 

"Because you're my sister."

 

Brianna just turned her head to the window and Josiah led Buck into the hall.

 

"Josiah, I got to talk to her."

 

"Not right now. You're angry, and she's hurting, and you're just going to hurt each other more."

 

"Why doesn't she want to come home?"

 

"Buck, you really don't understand, do you?"

 

"Understand what? That my sister nearly died, and that she doesn't want to come home."

 

"Not that, but why she doesn't want to?"

 

"Oh, don't you start to. Brie isn't jealous of JD."

 

"Brother, she thinks you hung the moon and shines it's spotlight on her, and JD is trying to push her out of that spot light."

 

Buck looked at the profiler as if he had lost his mind. They discussed it some more and then Nathan and Vin tried talking to him. Chris finally came into the hall. Buck just stared at him.

 

"Buck, you didn't have a problem with her living with me and Sarah."

 

"I feel like she's running away. And that was different. You and Sarah were family."

 

"And now."

 

"You still are, just Chris. Just family I'm annoyed with." Buck realized it felt good not to be mad at Chris.

 

"Ezra… she wants to stay with Ezra?" Not that Buck didn't like Ezra, and he was family but this was his baby sister, and he wanted to take care of her. "I just want to take care of her." Chris nodded. "I don't understand her."

 

"She's hurting, Buck and I don't think our fighting is helping."

 

"Probably not. I know you were trying to protect her, Chris. It's just."

 

"She got hurt in the bargain."

 

"Yeah."

 

In the hospital room, Brie wasn't talking to anybody. She just would occasionally throw a 'go to hell' look at JD and then a pleading look at Ezra.

 

"You want me to go out there and talk to him, is that it, mah dear?"

 

"Yeah, please."

 

"Only for you, my charmed one."

 

JD couldn't believe this. This little spoiled girl had everyone jumping through hoops.

 

He walked out into the hall and Vin followed him. Ezra made his way to the hall and Chris left Buck and him alone, after warning Buck not to shoot the messenger.

 

"Ezra, thanks for offering to help my sister, but I can take care of her just fine."

 

"Nobody thinks you can't."

 

"Except her."

 

"Mr. Wilmington, your sister thinks you are the most perfect of brothers. She told me she couldn't bear to go back to the condo right now, because of memories." He left off the part about JD, knowing Buck had enough to deal with.

 

"She and Marcie did spend a lot of time there. Shoot, sometimes I thought I should ask Marcie's parents for child support. Ezra, I just want to help her."

 

"Then let her stay with me. Plus my home will be much easier for her to navigate without the stairs."

 

"I forgot the stairs. Some brother I am."

 

"You are a wonderful brother."

 

"That's why she's in the hospital."

 

In the room, Brianna looked at the guys. "I have to talk to him." They were amazed at how easily she got out of the bed and into her wheelchair. "Okay, PT is good for something, after all. Brianna rolled herself in the hall and heard Buck's last statement.

 

"It wasn't your fault, Buck, it was mine and Marcie's. We knew better, but we did something stupid." Buck looked at his little sister. "I don't blame you for this, and neither would Marcie. She thought you were the coolest. I don't know why, because sometimes you're a big dummy."

 

"Well, it must run in the family, cause sometimes you're a little dummy." He smiled at her. He really did love her but a lot of the time he didn't understand her anymore. Somewhere she went from being the little girl that told her big brother everything, to not talking to him at all? "So you really want to stay at Ezra's because of the stairs."

 

"Yeah, please." She didn't add and she didn't want to be around JD.

 

"You know you aren't getting away from me that easy… or Chris."

 

"I know, and I want you and Chris to stop fighting."

 

"We did and I'm not mad at him anymore."

 

"Good."

 

"I am however, mad at you and Marcie."

 

"Uh oh." He nodded. "How mad?"

 

"Let's just say I have the urge to spank both of you till you can't sit for a month."

 

"You never spanked us when we were little."

 

"You two… of all the stupid stunts you pulled, never pulled anything this stupid before."

 

"That you know of."

 

"You're right about that cause if I knew about you two doing something this stupid. You wouldn't have gone to college. You would still be locked in your room."

 

"Can I stay with Ezra?"

 

"For a while."

 

"I know I have to go to the dorm one day."

 

"You are never living in the dorm again. That's a done deal."

 

"Buck, that's not fair."

 

"I think I'm going to get some coffee. And one day we're going to have a long talk about JD. Just not today."

 

"There's nothing to talk about."

 

"Oh, there is."

 

Ezra smiled at his future houseguest. All was right within the Wilmington family, again, at least for a few moments.

 

Brianna looked at Ezra then at her departing brother and then back at Ezra.

 

"He knows, Mah Dear."

 

"How did you know?"

 

"I used to wonder the same thing about my mother."

 

"Did she?"

 

"I think she did."

 

Brianna nodded. "She wouldn't understand you letting me stay with you, would she?"

 

"No, she wouldn't."

 

"You're a pretty cool guy, Ez."

 

In the cafeteria, JD and Vin were talking and Vin was beginning to see that Brianna wasn't the only one with issues.

 

"She's only a few years younger than me, Vin."

 

"That's not much."

 

"I know she's his sister, but I get so tired of her looking at me like I'm an intruder."

 

"JD?"

 

"And my room, she still calls it hers."

 

"It was hers for a long time."

 

Buck walked in and Vin quickly changed the subject. He sat down with his coffee and JD looked at him.

 

"So what's new?"

 

"You got mail."

 

"You got it with you?"

 

JD handed it over and Buck read it and stood up. He was in no mood for stupid rules. Vin and JD both wondered where he was going. All he said was, he'd be back.

Once he arrived at ATF headquarters, he was even angrier. What did they think they were doing? They weren't going to treat him like this. He walked into Shaylee Pierce's office without knocking. He was tired, hungry, and mad.

 

"Agent Wilmington, do you not know how to knock."

 

"I knock when I want to. I just know better than to knock when it's you. Get more information that way." Buck fairly glared at the woman and dared her to say something. "What's this about you dropping

Brianna's insurance?"

 

"She isn't attending college, she has withdrawn."

 

"She's in the hospital."

 

"Rules are rules."

 

"Yeah, but since when do you pay attention to the rules."

 

"That was a mistake, canceling the insurance wasn't."

 

"Re issue it."

 

"I can't."

 

"You will."

 

"No, the rule is she has to be in college full time."

 

They argued long and loud, finally, Judge Travis came in. He listened to both sides and as a federal judge he had heard of an outrageous settlement years ago in Texas against an insurance company. He looked at the insurance clerk and quietly, but firmly, ordered her to reinstate the insurance and told Buck it would be reinstated. Buck left, thanking the judge, and throwing Shaylee a dirty look.

 

The next morning Brianna woke up to her brother and Chris asleep in the customary chairs. She leaned back. She did love her brother, but the condo all the memories there and JD, the root of all evil as far as she was concerned.

 

Buck woke up and saw her staring at him.

 

"You don't have to stay here all the time."

 

"Yeah, I do."

 

"Why, I'm a big girl?"

 

"So, Chris tell you before your therapy that you, Chris, and Dr. Wilson are going to talk at nine."

 

"Yeah, and I'm thrilled. Buck, I really don't need to talk to her about Marcie."

 

"She thinks you need to talk about something else to."

 

"Nope, everything is okay." I mean considering you're replacing me with a geek. "I'm okay."

 

""So, really, why Ezra's. It's not just the stairs."

 

"Nope, all the memories there to. I mean, remember when we had that fight over Mike Martinez."

 

Buck grinned then frowned. "Of course I remember it. You scared me to death throwing that box down the stairs and my favorite sweatshirt gave its life for the fight."

 

She nodded and looked at her brother. "So do we really have to do the therapy thing?"

 

"Yeah, we do."

 

"Brie, I don't believe you about just the memories."

 

"That's all there is and the stairs." And JD she added in her thoughts.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Yeah."

 

Buck knew that look in her eyes. She was hiding something and his first immediate thought was a boy.

 

"You know Ezra is going to tell me if some guy starts coming by."

 

"There's no guy you don't know about."

 

"Okay." Buck knew something was up. "If it's about JD, don't worry, he's a good kid."

 

"Yeah, he's great." In her own thoughts she was thinking in a brother stealing kind of way, yeah he's great. Things had been okay until Buck had been late getting to her art show. Okay it wasn't her, it was the freshman/sophomore show, but still, it had been important. They had been late because JD had crashed his motorcycle. Brianna realized she hadn't sketched anything in weeks. "Buck?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Could you bring my sketch pads up here."

 

"Yeah, I can do that."

 

"Thanks. Could do me another favor?"

 

"What's that?"

 

"Go home and get some real sleep tonight."

 

"Nope."

 

"I'm a big girl. I can stay at the hospital by myself."

 

"I just want to be here."

 

"Those chairs look uncomfortable."

 

"They are."

 

"So go home and sleep tonight." He looked at her. "Come on, you and Chris deserve to get some rest."

 

"We'll see how today goes." Buck had a feeling therapy was going to be hard on her and he didn't want to leave if she was an emotional wreck.

 

"If I do okay in therapy, you'll go?"

 

"We'll see how you do, then decide."

 

Everyone was in Dr. Wilson's office and Brianna wasn't saying anything.

 

"Little Bit, nobody is going to get mad at what you say?" She shrugged. "It's okay to talk about Marcie, or even your Mama," she nodded. "Chris?"

 

Chris took a deep breath. "It's even okay to talk about Sarah and Adam."

 

"I miss Marcie, and I know it's okay to miss her, but it's not right she's dead. We messed up one time really bad and she's gone forever." Buck nodded. She went on about Marcie and it did feel good to get it out. "And I can't even go home because JD is there."

 

Buck looked at her. "Darlin', I thought you wanted to stay at Ezra's."

 

"I do because I can't go home because he's there."

 

"Darlin', you can come home if you want to."

 

"NO! I can't. You don't get it. There's no room for me anymore." Buck tried to tell her there was. "NO! You're his big brother now."

 

"Little Bit, I'm still yours."

 

"Everything is about him, or has been till now."

 

"That's not true."

 

"Excuse me. The Star Wars marathon. Let's include JD, he doesn't have family."

 

"He doesn't."

 

"Well that's not my problem. You and Chris are the only family I have. You're the only Big brother I have. He's got five others."

 

Buck didn't know what to say. Everybody had tried to tell him that was what was going on, but he hadn't listened, and now it was biting him right in the butt. Chris knew this was something they were going to have to solve. Dr. Wilson was scratching her head. The problem was entirely different than what she thought. They had all been wrong.

 

"Little Bit, You're my sister and I love you. I wouldn't trade being your big brother for anything."

 

"Yeah, right!" She wanted to believe him, but Buck's sudden change of heart about her moving to the dorms and then JD moving in the same day had her doubting it. "That's why he moved in as I was moving out."

 

"I didn't know that it bothered you." Buck sighed. He realized he had hurt her.

 

"Well it did. It's your whole attitude. Our annual skiing trip… you never ever let Marcie come because it was a sister brother weekend just for us to hang out. An who went this year."

 

"You said you were cool with it."

 

"To avoid hearing how JD has no one. I mean that's our weekend Buck and you let him come."

 

"I let Marcie go too."

 

"Marcie that one time."

 

"What if I had invited Chris?"

 

"That would be different."

 

"Why?"

 

"Chris is family."

 

"Why don't you see JD as family?"

 

"Why? Don't you see he isn't."

 

"Why don't you like him?"

 

"Because he wants to replace me. Don't you get it? He wants to be your little brother. He wants to replace me."

 

"No, he doesn't, sweetheart. Nobody could ever take your place."

 

"JD, could never replace you sweetheart. You're my Little Bit."

 

Brianna wanted to believe her brother but she knew one thing. If JD hadn't needed a place to live she would never have been allowed to move out. Buck suddenly jumped up and went to her and he for the first time noticed the fear in her eyes of losing somebody else that she loved.

 

"Buck."

 

"Darlin', what is it, really?"

 

"He's not family."

 

"No, baby, it's more than that. Tell ole Buck, please."

 

She just shook her head and tried to wheel away but Buck wouldn't let her go.

 

"Darlin', tell me please. You can tell me anything, you know that."

 

"He's going to get you killed, or Chris."

 

Dr. Wilson then looked up. Fear and jealousy were the problems. She looked at the brother and sister and at the blond who sitting there shocked.

"Or worse, he's going to get himself killed and I'll lose you like I lost Chris, and I'll lose Chris again. I don't want to lose you guys."

 

"You won't lose me. Darlin', I could never get lost like that."

 

Chris tried to tell her he had learned from his mistake and he'd never leave her like that again.

 

"I don't want to lose you guys." They both told her she wouldn't. She wanted to believe them but she couldn't.

"Brie, I love you."

 

"I love you too. That's why you got to see. JD is going to get you hurt." Buck looked at Chris, and then at Brianna.

 

Dr. Wilson decided she had to say something.

 

"Brianna, would Buck do anything to protect Chris."

 

"Sure."

 

"So why is it different if he looks after JD."

 

"Cause JD is a kid."

 

"He's old enough to be an ATF agent."

 

"So that doesn't mean he should be one."

 

"Why?"

 

"He's not that much older than me. He doesn't know enough yet."

 

"JD, is a good agent."

 

Buck kept trying to reassure her and he wasn't letting anybody other than Brianna get a word in. Finally, Dr. Wilson called an end to the session for the morning and wanted everybody back that afternoon, after Brianna's physical therapy.

 

The trio made their way to Brianna's room. She wasn't speaking to Buck or Chris the day had been too much for her already. Everybody was tense and short with each other.

 

Chris offered to go get her a hamburger when she said she wasn't hungry. She turned it down. Brianna couldn't even look at Buck. She felt bad for what she had done to him. Buck was feeling guilty for not realizing how she had been feeling.

 

"Little Bit, it's okay, nobody is mad at you."

 

"I'm okay, Buck. I think I'll head on over to physical therapy."

 

"That's not for another hour."

 

"I forgot." Everyone knew she hadn't forgotten. She just wanted some alone time.

 

"You're not getting it."

 

"Getting what?"

 

"Alone time." She looked at him. "I know you, kiddo, and you're just wanting be alone so you can beat yourself up." Buck had been unaware of her feelings but now that he knew he was going to get through to her what she needed to know.

 

The physical therapy was even worse today. Brianna was too tense to concentrate and finally her therapist called an early end to it.

 

In Dr. Wilson's office it was going worse than the morning session. She sighed as Brianna refused to talk and Buck wasn't sure what to say. Chris finally spoke up.

 

"Brie, do you remember when Adam came home from the hospital, well not that day but a few weeks later."

 

"Vaguely."

 

"Well, I remember it real well. You hid in the barn."

 

"Yeah, I remember that part."

 

"Sweetheart, JD isn't going to take Buck away from you anymore than Adam did."

 

"Adam wasn't going to get him killed. Adam wasn't the primary focus of his life. I wasn't scared of losing Buck with Adam. I was scared of losing you and Sarah."

 

"It's the same thing though, Breezie, just jealousy."

 

"It's not the same thing. Adam didn't want to take Buck away from me."

 

Chris suddenly flashed to a few days after Adam came home from the hospital. Sarah was resting and he had just gotten Adam down for a nap and Buck was at work. Marcie's nanny was going to drop Brianna off at home after school.

 

Chris had just gotten Adam to take a nap, and Sarah was resting. Brianna came tearing into the house slamming the door and yelling for Chris. They were supposed to go feed the horses after she got home from school. Adam started crying.

 

"Brianna, you woke up Adam."

 

"Sorry."

 

"You're the big girl, and you can't wake up the baby."

 

"But him wakes us up all the time."

 

"Well that's what babies do, but you're the big girl so you have to be quiet. Why don't you go play in your room, okay?"

 

"But we're supposed to go feed the horses."

 

"Well we can't right now, we'll do it later."

 

"Where's Sarah?"

 

"She's napping."

 

"Where's Buck?"

 

"Working, now go on, scoot." One miserable little girl went out like she was going to her room, but as she knew Chris was with the baby and went out the door.

 

Adam was napping and all three grown ups were looking for their other little one. Chris and Buck went outside and started searching around the house and in the tool shed.

 

"She wouldn't hide there. She knows that place is off limits." Buck looked at his friend.

 

"She's somewhere around here."

 

"Yeah, but why would she run away? She was excited about the baby."

 

"Yeah, but I think that he wasn't real to her, and everybody has been making a fuss over him. And, oh man, Buck, I'm such an idiot."

 

"What?"

 

"I promised to take her to feed the horses, and then Adam got fussy and Sarah was resting. And I got busy with the baby, and when she came running in after Adam was asleep and woke him up. I scolded her. I don't think I was harsh. I just had gotten him down. I think I know where she is."

 

Chris started toward the barn with Buck following. Chris stopped and stared at him.

"What?"

 

"I think I've got to fix this one."

 

"So you don't want my help?"

 

"No, I know she's your sister, but I screwed up bad. Go tell Sarah I know where she is."

 

Chris went to the barn and found a sleeping Brianna on a bale of hay where she had cried herself to sleep. He kneeled by the bale of hay and gently woke her up.

 

"Hi." She tried to talk around her thumb. Her feelings had been hurt. Everybody was too busy for her now and all they talked about was the baby. "You know I'd understand you better without that in your mouth."

 

"How come you're not with him."

 

"He's got his Mama and I was worried about my girl when I couldn't find her." She looked at him. "What?"

 

"But you gots Adam now."

 

"Yeah, we have Adam but we still love you."

 

"Nu uh. It's always Brianna don't wake the baby. I'm busy with the baby."

 

"Babies take up lots of times." Brianna nodded, she wasn't going to argue with that. "But that doesn't mean we love our little girl any less."

 

"But him's a boy."

 

"So?"

 

"You and Buck's always talking about taking him fishing and hunting and all sorts of boy stuff."

 

"Oh. Yeah we have been planning things for him. Since when do you want to go deer hunting."

 

She shrugged and he hugged her. "You know sometimes Sarah and I are going to be busy with Adam, but we still love you just as much."

 

"Michael Johnson, said boys are better than girls. That everybody wants boys not girls."

 

"He's wrong. Cause I wouldn't trade my little girl for a million boys."

 

"Would Sarah?"

 

"Nope."

 

Chris looked at Buck and then at Brianna and knew instantly the problem. JD, was a boy the same problem as Adam, a boy.

 

Buck shook his head, he knew JD didn't want that. He tried to explain.

 

"If he doesn't want to replace me. Why did he call you the night of the art show? Everyone on the team knew that was important."

 

"He didn't, the emergency room did."

 

"So you could have called somebody else."

 

"I didn't think it was going to take that long."

 

"You should have known, you spend enough time there." Buck sighed. He knew his sister could be as

stubborn as he was.

 

"What do you want me to do? To turn my back on JD."

 

"No. Yes. I don't know. I just want him to accept the fact that I'm your sister and the condo is my home too."

 

Buck said he would talk to him, but she had to understand that JD was his best friend. He also enjoyed having a little brother. They continued with therapy and at the end of the day they were all emotionally drained.

 

When they were back in Brianna's room she had immediately fallen asleep. She was emotionally exhausted. Buck stood by the bed and Chris motioned for him to go to the hall.

 

"What are you going to do?"

 

"Good question, I have no clue."

 

"You going to make her go to the CDC now?"

 

"No, that wouldn't be fair. She'll stay with Ezra for now. I just have to talk to JD."

 

"Yeah. You know it's not going to be any easier with him."

 

"Yeah, they are like two squabbling kids sometimes."

 

"Chris, I screwed up bad with her. What if I lose her?"

 

"You won't lose her. She thinks the sun rises an sets on you."

 

"Yeah that's why she stopped telling me how she felt. I remember when she used to tell me everything. Now I know nothing about what's going on. When did that happen?"

 

In her room, Brianna was relieved how she felt, but felt horrible for hurting Buck. She didn't know what to do or say so she just lay there pretending to sleep. Buck looked in the room then back at Chris.

 

"I don't know but I think I got the problem figured out."

 

"Want to share?"

 

Chris explained what they had talked about in the barn.

 

"She's not five anymore."

 

"I think she's still insecure about it."

 

"Can you stay with her awhile?"

 

"Sure. What are you going to do?"

 

"Go talk to Dr. Wilson. See if she has any ideas."

 

In Dr. Wilson's office they discussed what he thought the problem was. Dr. Wilson thought the idea was interesting and they would discuss it in the morning. She also thought it would be a good idea that she also speak to Brianna alone after the appointment tomorrow.

 

The next morning in Dr. Wilson's office she wasn't going to let the JD issue go. She realized they needed to get to that though. She was going to have to get Buck and Brie to talk about their relationship. Brie listened to the doctor and looked at her then at Buck and Chris and then back at the doctor. She was convinced that these people were worse than a dog with a bone.

 

"What's to tell. He's my brother and I love him."

 

"Does he love you?"

 

"Yes of course he does."

 

"And you love him. Did he love Adam?"

 

"What does Adam have to do with anything?"

 

"You were jealous of Adam."

 

"I was five."

 

"Yes, but you're reacting to JD like a five year old."

 

"What? Because I love my brother and don't want to lose him."

 

"You weren't worried about losing him to Adam."

 

Brianna looked at her and decided she was going to deny everything. "Nope."

 

Buck and Chris both wondered if that was true. In Chris' head he kept hearing he's a boy. Brianna had decided she didn't want to talk and Buck was trying his hardest to get her to do that.

 

"Come on, Little Bit, talk to us."

 

"There's nothing to talk about, I just don't like him."

 

"Why not?"

 

"Because… I don't."

 

"Darlin', we can't help you if you don't tell us what's wrong."

 

"There's nothing wrong." Brianna had been feeling the pressure for too long but something in her finally snapped and she decided it was time to let him know she knew. "You have JD as your little brother. The little brother we both know you would of preferred I been. Oh don't look at me like that, Buck. I know you love me. I also know you would have been happier if I had been a boy."

 

"That's not true Brianna. I wouldn't trade you for anything."

 

"Oh come on, Buck, don't kid me. You would be a lot more comfortable if I was a boy. I'm not stupid. I know about you and the ladies." He looked at her and thought back to his going out one time when she was 6.

 

"Why can't I go with you?"

 

"Cause Ole Buck is going somewhere little girls can't go."

 

"Why not?"

 

"Because. Because," he sighed. "You be a good girl and stay here with Chris and Sarah and Adam. And I'll bring you back a present, okay?"

 

"Why cant's I go?"

 

Then her memory flashed till when she had been thirteen and he was going away with another girl.

 

"So why does Mrs. Rossi have to stay?"

 

"Cause there's no way you're staying here by yourself."

 

"I wouldn't be. Marcie would be here."

 

"That's not a convincing argument."

 

"We're not little kids anymore."

 

"You're not staying here alone." She nodded and asked who the girl was. "Linda."

 

"Cause you would be more comfortable if I was a boy."

 

"Darlin, that's----"

 

"True. Buck, I don't meet most of your girlfriends."

 

"That's because I don't want you to get attached to them when they're not serious."

 

"But it's okay for JD to meet 'em."

 

"I don't. It just seemed best when you were little. I was trying to protect you."

 

"By keeping secrets."

 

"You don't need to know everything about me."

 

"But JD does."

 

"No, but something's you don't talk to your little sister about."

 

"Yeah, like when you get hurt. Wouldn't want me to know about that."

 

"You have known every time."

 

"Since him, it's after it's a done deal and you're home from the ER."

 

"One time."

 

"One time. You called him to come and get you. Oh and the hunting trips you never invite me."

"It was three in the morning and he was the one that took me because it was part of the bust. You hate hunting."

 

"That's not the point."

 

"I'm confused, Brianna Nicole, what is the point. You're mad because I take JD hunting and don't take you when you hate it. So tell me, what the point is?"

 

"You wanted a baby brother, not a sister. You have always wished I had been a boy."

 

Buck looked at her like she had lost her mind. He had no idea what she was talking about. He knew he had never told her that.

 

"That's not true."

 

"I heard you." Buck looked at her and tried to remember what he had done, other than fuss over the baby, like everybody else had. He couldn't remember what he had done.

 

Brianna was playing in the living room, she was bored with the baby already. He had been home three days and all she had heard was Brianna, don't wake the baby. Later, sweetheart, Adam needs me. Even Buck was enamored with him. Adam, Adam, Adam that's all anybody could say.

Chris stood up and headed toward the kitchen with Adam. She heard Buck saying as they left. Chris was lucky to have a boy. She didn't hear the rest of the conversation, but in her own little mind she twisted the words to be that Buck was unlucky cause he had a girl.

 

Buck looked at her like she had lost her mind. He couldn't remember ever saying anything that would make her think he would prefer having a boy. He looked at Chris for help, and at Dr. Wilson. He had no idea what to say.

 

"Brie, what did you hear?"

 

"What you told Chris about Adam."

 

"Darlin', I don't remember what I said."

 

"You said he was luckier than you because he had a boy."

 

Buck frowned and clarified his position. "I would never say that."

 

"You said it."

 

"Why would I say that?"

 

"Because you wanted a baby brother and it would make life easier for you if you had one."

 

"No, it wouldn't."

 

"Oh please."

 

"It wouldn't have."

 

"Because you would have preferred I been a boy." Brie shook her head.

 

"That's not true."

 

Buck and Brie argued for a while and finally Chris told them to shut up.

 

Dr. Wilson was the first to speak and she took a deep breath before doing so.

 

"Brianna, do you doubt that your brother loves you?"

 

"No, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't have been happier if I had been a boy."

 

"Why are you so sure of that?"

 

"Because I know him."

 

Buck looked at her and wondered if he knew her at all.

 

"Brianna, do you remember what you heard Buck say to Chris."

 

"I'll never forget it."

 

"I think your brother has."

 

"He should remember."

 

"Why don't you help him out."

 

Brianna looked at her brother and just remembering what he had said brought tears to her eyes. "He said Chris was lucky to have a boy."

 

Buck was shocked and realized his sister had overheard part of their conversation.

 

"Brie, baby, I didn't mean it like that."

 

"You said it."

 

"Yeah but you only heard part of the conversation, darlin'."

 

"What more was there to hear."

 

"That I wouldn't trade you for a million little brothers, and I love you."

 

"I know you love me, but that doesn't change the fact you would have been happier if you had a little brother like JD."

 

They continued this for hours. Finally Buck walked over to the wheelchair, kneeling in front of it.

 

"I get you don't doubt that I love you. You just listen to me and listen to me good, Brianna Nicole Wilmington. I wouldn't trade being your big brother for anything in the world. You are my baby sister and I love you with all my heart, I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world." Buck took her head in his hands to make her look in his eyes. "If I have to tell you that every hour on the hour for the rest of my life, I will."

 

"You really don't want to replace me with JD?"

 

"That's what I have been saying."

 

"Why did you say no to the dorms until JD needed a place to stay?"

 

"Because I'm a big dummy who didn't want to share my baby sister with a bunch of strangers."

 

"You didn't?"

 

"Nope, no more than you wanted to share me with JD."

 

Several weeks later

 

While Brianna had enjoyed being out of the hospital, being at Ezra's was also nerve racking. She had a theory. Spill root beer on the white carpet and get shot. Of course he hadn't shot her when she had done but he had the look of a man on the verge of a stroke. She smiled when she rolled into the physical therapy room. She was going back to the condo after her physical therapy session. Buck had said there was a surprise for her there. She and Buck had been through many hours of painful and enlightening therapy sessions had worked through the JD issue. He had converted the den in the condo into a bedroom for her since her getting up the stairs to her old one was impossible.

 

"You're sure you're ready for this, mah dear."

 

"Ezra, don't start or I'm calling you B2."

 

"There is no reason to get insulting."

 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

 

The therapist positioned Buck at the end of the bars and he was shocked when Brianna walked to him.

 

"You walked."

 

"Yeah."

THE END